she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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