I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
