Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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