Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
