Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
