You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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