She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
