You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
