I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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