What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
