So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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