I hate your face
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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