Sponge bath it is.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
