I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
