i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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