hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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