That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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