can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
