You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
