i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize