What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
