The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
