my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This baby is an asshole
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
