You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
