the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
