Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
