Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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