he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
