I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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