So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
third nipple confirmed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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