so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
