uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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