i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
