STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
