After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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