He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
