Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
