You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
