Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
