The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
