i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
