Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
