oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He did a backflip because drugs
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