I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
