Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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