Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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