btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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