Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
