How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
