New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me I should be a condom model.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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