my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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