mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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