mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
