I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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