We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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