I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
