Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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