Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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