Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
