Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I AM VODKA MAN
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
