Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
