i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
handjob tips. give me some.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
