Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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