it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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