I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
