singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
