TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
