Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
