If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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