i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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