she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
