Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
