hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
should my penis look like a turkey
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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