Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
