Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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