You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
